what I really really want

Lex felt torn. She didn't know how to tell Jonah this, but she had to go home. She had too.

"I'm thinking, what good is it that I'm here." She winced, wishing she could tell him that she loved him. Well, a part of her might have, but she just wasn't that good at it. Now was she?

"We need the car." Jonah let it slip.

They were at the miserable little cabin. She was sure of it now. If she'd been a pioneer, she'd been the first to go. She wasn't a survivor. Evidently. Perhaps she was just too cold hearted for that.

"Naturally, you would." She was snide. He could have done his best to treat her with the best of everything, and she was sure of it now, she could still find her self wanting to kick him to the curb. "Look, I'm- I'm wasting your time." She'd decided.

"No, we're just wasting your time." He gave her a dead stare.

"Not, completely. I just think I'll add to the mystery of all this. My mother is catching on. She knows I'm not really in Kansas. I told her I went to Texas to visit a friend and well, she wants to call the cops. She wants to say I'm a runaway. I'm actually not. I e-mail her every chance I get. Feeding her some shit, that I'm in love and well, she wants me back, Jonah!"

"Are we in love? Is that true?" He wanted to know.

She winced more.

"You have to let me go." She'd feel much better in the safety of her own basement. Her fortress. She could lock herself up, again. All would be well in a matter of hours.

"Fine." Jonah pressed his lips together. She knew she wanted to say something more, but he didn't. He went to get her things. It was as if she could go this second. He went into the bedroom.

"Wait!" She ran after him. "I don't mean right now. Soon."

"Why not now?" He turned back to her. "Sooner the better, isn't that it? What do you care if we don't have a way around? You care about yourself and nothing else." Jonah went to pull her things out of the dresser and stuffed them in a trash bag.

"We really have to plan this out, you know."

"What are you talking about?" Jonah looked at her.

"I want you to come back with me." She hugged herself then.